I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
