Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
