I got chris browned last night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
