it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
