guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
