jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
