I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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