Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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