twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
