she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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