I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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