I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
