If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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