the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
