I can text with my tongue
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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