Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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