Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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