just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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