Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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