you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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