Screwed.edu
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
