it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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