all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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