You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
two words...techno handjob
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
