smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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