You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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