i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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