Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
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Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow