from now on my penis is your penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.