can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
