6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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