ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
