It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
