Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
