Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
