"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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