Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
