His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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