why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
