At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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