Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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