You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
