Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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