Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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