Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
