i was born a porn star she said
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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