Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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