I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
