Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
