why didn't you poke me back
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
