Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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