Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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