i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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