yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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