The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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