The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
