You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
