Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
