The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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