We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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