i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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