I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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