lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
