Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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