your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
